Back Into The Blue Hole – Dahab – Part 5
After turning earlier on yet another dive yesterday i initially got a bit depressed, and giving up the idea of reaching 100 meters this year was a bit hard to accept. I felt so frustrated for giving up like a loser while knowing that i am able to do it and that i’m so close. Then i got home and thought a bit about what’s happening and understood why i thought i lost motivation (actually i did’t) and it’s not because I’m a total loser (well, maybe just a little bit).
There’s a bunch of stuff that just came up in my life that is requiring a lot of attention right now and i spent this last week trying to fix it, thinking about it day and night, and whenever I go training i can’t focus 100% and i feel guilty for taking my attention away from those other responsibilities.
I get anxious before and during training because of that, and i also get anxious when i skip training because of that, and it’s time to accept that i cannot do both things at the same time no matter how hard i may want to try. So i decided to step back and spend my last week here taking care of the urgent things that need attention and move my goal to next year.
The moment i made this realisation i went “DUH!” and wondered how can something so blatantly obvious took so long to grasp?
And yet this happens all the time in our lives, not just training. Things happen and we react and most times we dont even know why we act certain ways. It’s often hard to separate logic and emotions and if you feel like a loser then you easily accept the idea that you are one.
This is exactly why i cannot even bear the idea of not having a coach in my training: the difference between my old and new way of diving is not only the actual amount and quality of training im doing; removing my own feelings when it comes to make decisions has a huge part in my progression.
It doesnt matter how i feel about something when i trust that the person making the decisions for me knows better than me what i need to do because they have no feelings about it affecting their own perspective (and even though I may make it sound easy to accept and welcome someone’s intervention, but initially it wasn’t; it took a while to let go and my poor dive manager deserves a medal for the patience displayed, but let’s not tell him that because he’s so cruel in so many other ways that i don’t want him to get the impression that i like him).
It’s always so much easier to have an insight on other people and so hard to see clearly your own issues; how many times you had a friend who was about to make a disastrous decision and while you could see that from a mile away, you know that it didn’t matter what you’d do or say, they weren’t going to listen to you because they are thinking and acting with their feelings and not with logic.
